Cheryl - I hate flying too; however I've recently changed the way I deal with it and, so far, it seems to work...
I used to grip the aeroplane seats for so long it took ages to prise my fingers off - but now instead I link my fingers together, loosely, on my lap, close my eyes and breathe deeply. I once heard that breathing deeply helped with any situation but each time I tried I lost concentration!!
However, I'm finding now that it really helps whenever I take off or land. Perhaps gripping the arm rests makes me more tense, I'm not sure, but I find I can almost "nod off" until we've properly taken off.
I still keep my seat belt fastened for the duration of the journey, though!